5 Things To Say To Yourself In a Relationship Rough Patch

Relationships, like the people in them, evolve and change over time.

Sometimes these changes can creep in over years, leaving you one day looking at your partner and pondering who they are and what happened to the other guy.

Other times these changes can hit us like a ton of bricks, brought about by a shock situation which has left us seeing them in an entirely different light. 

These shifts in dynamic can be painful and daunting as we try and decide whether they are an inevitable step in the journey or a sign we've hit the end of the road. 

Here are 5 things to say to yourself whilst you figure out what side of the fence you sit on:

1. Doubts Are Normal 

If you think about it, you're not 100% sure of anything in life. 

Even your favourite meal, film and cocktail can shift depending on day and mood - so it makes sense that pondering whether this person is right for you is human. 

Ask yourself, how often do you doubt? How intensely? Is it fleeting? Is it situational? Is it hormonal / drink related? 

Doubt is not a killer in itself - contempt, disinterest and indifference are far more troubling signs.

2. You Never Really Know a Person– And That’s Ok 

How well do you know yourself? How well do you know what drives you, why things upset you, why certain people get under your skin? 

We all struggle to know ourselves deeply, so it stands to reason we couldn't possibly know someone else fully either. 

It's ok to have boundaries; your own thoughts, your own feelings and your own life. I am not saying secrets, but you do not need to share your inner-everything. Nor do they with you.

3. People Fall In Love Over and Over 

It's often said that long term relationships are a collection of love affairs. 

This is because we expand and grow at different points in time and being in a long term relationship often means re-falling in love with the new version of the old person. 

Sometimes these timings aren't aligned and one side can feel left stranded. 

Ask yourself, could I fall in love with this new version too?

4. You Don’t Owe Anyone You 

This one is important. You love out of want, not out of need. 

Regardless of the length of your journey together, what you have achieved or lost, what you have seen, who you have raised or what you have built, you do not owe another person a piece of you 

Ask yourself if this relationship is a need or a want. And know it's ok to be done.

5. Alone and Loneliness Are Not The Same 

Loneliness in a relationship is crippling. 

Being alone can be rejuvenating and wonderful. 

Make sure you're not making your decisions because of a misunderstanding of the concept of loneliness. 

Make sure as well that you’re not confusing yourself further by mixing up loneliness with being bored. 

If even in this rough patch, they are still ultimately comfortable company but you're finding yourself going through the motions, feeling uninspired and ultimately unloved through lack of interest and/or intimacy, consider perhaps the issues are within the relationship rather than the relationship itself. 

If however, you feel isolated and lonely... well that's entirely different.  No one should ever feel like that.